Thursday, August 22, 2013

Bright Side Bitch

I have a confession to make: I am a recovering Negative Nancy and Debbie Downer. Nancy and Debbie used to be my favorite alter egos. I was your go to girl for bashing ideas, shooting down plans, poking holes in suggestions, and bad mouthing people, events, and things in general.
I've mentioned before that getting married is like holding a big mirror up in front of your flaws. This is a huge one for me, I honestly didn't realize how bad it was or how miserable it is to be around.

I think that the recent desire to let go of Nancy and Debbie is coming from a few places. First, realizing that I was doing it at all. This means taking the time to hear the words coming out of my mouth time and time again. Second, recognizing how much I enjoyed and looked forward to being around happy, positive people- I don't have to wait to be around happy, positive people, I can be one myself! And finally, figuring out that negativity is a miserable, contagious, consuming poison.
We all hear the trite motivational sayings about how "attitude is everything" or "the power of positive thinking" and I have always brushed the sayings off as cliche, insignificant and void of any real motivation, and sometimes I still do. The other day a blog I read asked readers to share their favorite running mantra in the comments, I read them hoping to find something that I could remind myself of on my runs, but I found myself rolling my eyes at a lot of them.
"You can do this"
"You are strong"
"Better, Faster, Stronger"
Reading them in black and white feels cheap, hokey, and silly, but I have to admit that I have chanted "You are awesome" to myself while running up a hill at the end of a run and reminded myself that I was strong enough to finish another mile or so when I was hurting. It seems that part of the battle for me is admitting that it might feel lame but it also might work.
When I started half marathon training I put a shout out on Facebook looking for a training partner and wrote that I would be a "really fun running buddy" even though I felt like a faker as I typed it. I am not fun when I am running. So I decided to make 2 promises to myself. One: be a fun, positive training partner, just like I promised. And two: no negative self talks on runs. I can't tell you how many runs I have gone on in the past where the mantra in my head was 30 minutes of "This.Sucks.This.Sucks.This.Sucks."

Since I made those promises and started training in June I have not let myself think like that. Sometimes it does suck, but I don't dwell on it. I focus on my music, ask myself questions as an attempt at distraction, and repeat mantras. And as a result I am happier. At the end of my run on Saturday I found myself recapping all the reasons that run was special-what a change!
I have also tried to be more positive in conversation and more laid back about things I may disagree with. And I know it is working because it is slowly becoming more natural to react positively. I got lost on my run Saturday and just thought "okay! adventure time!" And when I am around negative people I find myself thinking "damn, your negativity is exhausting" when in the past I would have chimed in.
When I focus on being positive I have more fun, laugh more, enjoy my day more, and Michael and I get a long better.
Valerie calls it being a Bright Side Bitch and I like that bitch a lot more than Nancy and Debbie.

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