Day 2

So, you know what, there is something about posting your intentions online that helps turn them from idea to reality. Yesterday I went home at 2:30 (yeehaw!) and fiddled around the house and then took a nap with my cats and dog. Go ahead, judge away. I'm childless and have very few responsibilities so I napped for 2.5 hours on a Wednesday afternoon. I live in the lap of luxury, for real, y'all. While I napped it rained, and not a little bit. It poured. When I woke up it was drizzling, but I knew I had to run or risk letting all of my Facebook friends down. So I pulled on a hat, leashed up Stella, popped in my headphones and stepped outside. It wasn't raining  anymore, but it sure was steamy. Stella and I plodded along for a slowwwww mile, but I ran the whole way and feel good about that. Today, will be more of the same, sans nap.

I mentioned a a couple of posts back that Michael and I have been trying to start our family. We are teetering on the edge of going live with our adoption, just waiting on our home study report to be written and approved, which I hope will be done in the next 10ish days. We are also waiting on our Dear Birth Mother letter proof to be approved so we can send it to the printer. We hope to be live by July! We are also trying to have a biological child, which is proving to be almost as daunting as the adoption process. We are in a season in our lives where we have very little control over something that we want very badly. We are both forever in search of positive distractions, Michael has approximately 1 million yard projects and recently bought a broken riding lawn mower off of craigslist for $25, taught himself small motor repair, and got it up and running, I'm super impressed with his skillz! He convinced me to race him since we temporarily have 2 riding lawn mowers in our possession.  I lost, but mostly because this was my first time ever driving a riding mower. And also because throttles. 

I read and cook and do the occasional craft project, but I don't have any major hobbies or projects that I can use as an outlet for the frustration and disappointment that have accompanied out attempts to grow our family. I'm hoping that running will be the perfect distraction from the emotional roller coaster we are on. 

Run Streak

Hi, my name is Lauren and I am a flake. I am terrible at being consistent and following through with what I say i'm going to do. I am like this with all things, but most especially when it comes to exercise. I want to get back into running, but I also want to avoid all of the pain and discomfort that comes with getting back into running. P.S. it doesn't work like that.

Last week I went on a 3 mile trail walk. I intended to run as much as possible, that that ended up being less than 10 minutes total. I recognize that if I want to run better I need to run more and more importantly, I need to run consistently. Monday (Memorial Day) my dear sweet run loving friend, Catherine, sent me a text asking if I was going to the weekly Monday night group run. I lied and said I was out of town-I am a champion I tell you. As an attempt to kick my ass into gear I told her that I was thinking of challenging myself to a run streak (running at least one mile every day) from Memorial Day to July 4. She said she would join me and all of the good intentions were in place. Well, shocker, I didn't run Monday, I figured I could just as easily streak from Tuesday after Memorial Day to July 5. But, as you recall, my name is Lauren and I am a serial liar flake. I did not run yesterday.  I had to confess my sins to Catherine when she checked in with me yesterday. Being the kind, patient, forgiving human being that she is she agreed I could try again today and suggested posting something to social media to keep me accountable. So here I am. Announcing on social media that I am going to run at least one mile today. And tomorrow. and the next day until July 6. Even though it's hot. Even though I'm slow. Even though I will probably have to walk a bit of each mile. Even though I am a flake, the run streak starts today. damnit!

Whole30, Trying Again

January 5 Michael and I started our first Whole30 adventure. I made a meal plan for the month, prepped food like crazy and jumped in. I LOVED it, I felt amazing, had so much energy, slept like a rock, and lost weight. Michael also loved it! He realized he was super addicted to sugar, did a lot of emotional eating and healed his gut in amazing ways. But, my dirty little secret is that on about day 12 I cheated and had alcohol, and then I drank again on about day 18. After that, I pretty much quit Whole30. Since then I have been eating everything in sight, pizza, fast food, beer, wine, the list goes on. And to be quite honest, as I sit here writing this, I feel like complete crap.
I woke up with a huge zit on my chin this morning, I can't tell you the last time that happened. My stomach hurts, I'm bloated, my face is fat, and something has to change. My New Years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by June 1,  I need to get serious about my diet and exercise if I have a chance in hell of meeting that goal.
My birthday has come and gone, I have had more than my fair share or indulgences, and starting tomorrow I am embarking on my first, full Whole30 adventure. It is easy to focus on all the things that I am giving up, but I am going to try to focus on how horrible all of those foods make me feel, and how good Whole30 makes me feel. That should be motivation enough to stay on track, but for some insane reason it is not enough of a deterrent to keep me away from foods I know I shouldn't eat. Here's to taking it one meal at a time.

Saturday "Long" Run

I put long in quotation marks because by most standards five miles is not a long run. I am well aware of that fact, but when it is the longest run I do all week it only feels appropriate to label it as such. I’ve been doing my long runs with the Wow! Bootcamp  AthHalf run group. I like the Wow! group run for a lot of reasons: It is motivating to run with a group, they plan out the distance and mark the route for us, parts of the half marathon are covered on the runs so I know what to expect in those areas, they have water stops for us, and it helps keep me accountable. They plan it all; I just have to show up. This week it was a 5 mile run. I knew from looking at the route that was sent out that it was going to be hilly and tough.

I woke up to tummy troubles and hoped it wasn’t a sign of what was to come that morning. The last long run I’d done (4 miles) I didn’t eat before and my stomach growled the last 2 miles. I’d picked up some new bars at the store and decided to try them as breakfast. I have no appetite in the morning; in fact eating makes me nauseas so I tried to be careful. I ate half of a coconut almond Kind bar in the car on the way to the Y. It was so delicious; it tasted like one of those off brand chewy honey oat bars my mom used to buy. It tasted good, but did not make my stomach feel good. When I got to the Y I tried to go in and use the bathroom in the lobby but the building wasn’t open yet. Fail. I was just going to have to deal.

We did some warm up drills, Zoe showed up, and we were off. At the start I told Zoe that I was tight and sore from pushing it the last half mile of my run yesterday (idiot, I knew I had to run again 12 hours later) and that my stomach was bothering me. I told myself that it would all shake out by the time the first mile marker rolled around. I usually feel better after a mile (although I used to hate people who said that) and I was right, kind of. My muscles were looser and my stomach was fine, and then we hit a hill (and another and another ad nauseam for 4 miles). I knew it was coming and thought it was going to kill me. Surprisingly, it didn’t and Zoe and I high fived at the top #nerdalert.

I would like to stop here and explain that I am a slow runner. I know that and I am okay with it. I mean, sure I would like to crank out 8 minute miles like its nothing but I can’t, at least not right now. Maybe someday….So in order to not burnout my slow, steady pace is about 11:00 minute miles (I know, you can walk that fast, blah, blah, Runner Lauren don’t care). After Zoe and I conquered the hill my running app told me that we’d just run a 9:45 mile. We were all “hooray!” and “oops, crap!” at the same time.

Let’s just say shit hit the fan. I felt like I was made of bricks, my right knee was hurting, my left IT band was screaming, I was getting blisters for no apparent reason. We got to the water stop at the 3 mile mark I commented that this was easily the worst run I’d had in 2 months, someone told us that it was 100% humidity. So, that explained some of it, but really it was the perfect storm. I wasn’t logging my weekly miles the way I needed to be to in order to do longer weekend mileage, I didn’t stretch after my run on Friday and pushed too hard, I didn’t sleep well the night before and it was insanely hot and humid for 7:30am.

I often have to remind myself when I don’t want to run on a Wednesday that I will pay for it later. Bottom line: long runs suck a lot less when you get your week day mileage in. And I also have to keep in mind that you have to have bad runs to appreciate the good ones.

When all was said and done the route ended up being 5.42 miles and it hurt and humbled me. I went home and told Michael “that run tried to kill me.” Which it did, but it also motivated me to do better this week; running is a bitch like that.

Push

It's Tuesday, but man it feels like it should be later in the week! Yesterday my favorite toddler Dynamic Duo H and C had their first gymnastics class. The class is held in my building so I stuck around after work to watch them. H (who has become very attached to me) was super hesitant and nervous, she is the more reserved of the 2. C was jumping up and down, so excited to go out and play. H was unsure, she held my hand while we stood off to the side and watched the other kids stretch. She grew more and more interested and I could tell she wanted to go join the class but was intimidated. Finally, the coaches pulled out a stamp pad and every child who could do a "ta-da" (hands up overhead, standing up straight) could get a stamp. Well, you better believe H wanted a stamp after C got one. And she was off. It was so cute to watch them.
I know that as an adult being in a new, strange situation where things are out of your control can be intimidating. I can say that I often do not put myself into situations like that because it is uncomfortable. I like knowing what to expect and feeling confident that I can do what will be asked of me in any given situation, be it social or work related.
It's silly but watching H take in her new, overwhelming surroundings, muster up some courage, take a deep breath, and then jump in inspired me. She was brave, trusted that is would be a fun experience, put herself out of her comfort zone and challenged herself. When was the last time I did something like that?! Imagine how proud and accomplished I would feel if I forced myself out of my comfort zone. Sounds like just what the doctor ordered. So now, what should I do to push myself? Suggestions welcome.

Needless to say, today I am feeling more inspired than I was yesterday. It is worth mentioning that I exercised this morning, weight lifting session with Jody. Whether I like it or not exercise does positively affect my mood. I know that I'm not saying anything new there, but I often like to pretend that exercise doesn't affect my mood that much. I am quick to remind Michael that I fought my deepest depression when I was training for a half marathon and running regularly. Either way there is no denying my improved mood and brighter outlook today.
So, in an effort to keep my brain away from the dark and twisty places there is a 5:30am spin class on my calendar tomorrow. I will have to push myself to get there, it will be uncomfortable, it will be easier for me to roll over and go back to sleep (or stand on the sidelines like H did) but when its all said and done I will be proud of myself. And that feeling alone is worth setting the alarm at any hour for.

Excuse me, I have to Burpee

I am constantly admiring traits in other people's lives. Their cute house, sweet kiddos, large income, great attitude, organizational skills and on and on. But the thing that I find myself admiring most of all is other's bodies. How flat their stomach is, or how thin or strong, toned, or tubby they look. That intense admiration of what other bodys have that I lack is my primary reason for starting this blog and naming it what I did. The name is to remind me of what I have in my life that I should be enjoying, but also to remind myself that with some effort, those admirable things are attainable for me too!
One a related note, I would consider myself fit. However, I struggle with a lot of self-loathing and doubt when it comes to my body. My primary challenge is managing my eating, cravings and alcohol intake. So, here is my plan to begin tackling those problem areas.

* For the next thirty days I will be participating in the Burpee Challenge hosted by Scott at Your Inner Skinny http://www.yourinnerskinny.ca/
I started this challenge this morning. I chose to begin my challenge at the highest level that Scott recommends for 2 reasons. 1. I like a challenge. 2. I feel like I am a seasoned veteran at burpees between my boot camp, lunch time work out with Russ (he calls it cross fit. It’s not.) and personal training sessions.
So, the way the challenge works is that you do burpees every day for one month, adding one burpee more than you did the day before. This morning I did 15, so tomorrow I will do 16. Honestly, I did not feel great after my 15 this morning. I was fine until number 10, then they got hard, I was SUPER winded and ready to stop. Hard to believe that on June 16th I will be doing 45 of those babies-YIKES!

I also have put a lot of thinking into this next goal.
* For the next 30 days No Booze. Not a drop.
The problem? I’m not ready to commit to it yet. I know I should. I feel 1,000,000,000,000,000 times better when I dont drink. But I know it will not be fun to turn down drinks with friends. Those 30 days will require a little bit more will power than I am willing to put towards it right now. Great- now I sound like an alcoholic. Maybe I will start this challenge today. If not, tomorrow, there is always tomorrow.

What's your vote? Start the no booze challenge today...or tomorrow? Any tips on getting/staying motivated or exercising my will power muscle?