Day 2

So, you know what, there is something about posting your intentions online that helps turn them from idea to reality. Yesterday I went home at 2:30 (yeehaw!) and fiddled around the house and then took a nap with my cats and dog. Go ahead, judge away. I'm childless and have very few responsibilities so I napped for 2.5 hours on a Wednesday afternoon. I live in the lap of luxury, for real, y'all. While I napped it rained, and not a little bit. It poured. When I woke up it was drizzling, but I knew I had to run or risk letting all of my Facebook friends down. So I pulled on a hat, leashed up Stella, popped in my headphones and stepped outside. It wasn't raining  anymore, but it sure was steamy. Stella and I plodded along for a slowwwww mile, but I ran the whole way and feel good about that. Today, will be more of the same, sans nap.

I mentioned a a couple of posts back that Michael and I have been trying to start our family. We are teetering on the edge of going live with our adoption, just waiting on our home study report to be written and approved, which I hope will be done in the next 10ish days. We are also waiting on our Dear Birth Mother letter proof to be approved so we can send it to the printer. We hope to be live by July! We are also trying to have a biological child, which is proving to be almost as daunting as the adoption process. We are in a season in our lives where we have very little control over something that we want very badly. We are both forever in search of positive distractions, Michael has approximately 1 million yard projects and recently bought a broken riding lawn mower off of craigslist for $25, taught himself small motor repair, and got it up and running, I'm super impressed with his skillz! He convinced me to race him since we temporarily have 2 riding lawn mowers in our possession.  I lost, but mostly because this was my first time ever driving a riding mower. And also because throttles. 

I read and cook and do the occasional craft project, but I don't have any major hobbies or projects that I can use as an outlet for the frustration and disappointment that have accompanied out attempts to grow our family. I'm hoping that running will be the perfect distraction from the emotional roller coaster we are on. 

Run Streak

Hi, my name is Lauren and I am a flake. I am terrible at being consistent and following through with what I say i'm going to do. I am like this with all things, but most especially when it comes to exercise. I want to get back into running, but I also want to avoid all of the pain and discomfort that comes with getting back into running. P.S. it doesn't work like that.

Last week I went on a 3 mile trail walk. I intended to run as much as possible, that that ended up being less than 10 minutes total. I recognize that if I want to run better I need to run more and more importantly, I need to run consistently. Monday (Memorial Day) my dear sweet run loving friend, Catherine, sent me a text asking if I was going to the weekly Monday night group run. I lied and said I was out of town-I am a champion I tell you. As an attempt to kick my ass into gear I told her that I was thinking of challenging myself to a run streak (running at least one mile every day) from Memorial Day to July 4. She said she would join me and all of the good intentions were in place. Well, shocker, I didn't run Monday, I figured I could just as easily streak from Tuesday after Memorial Day to July 5. But, as you recall, my name is Lauren and I am a serial liar flake. I did not run yesterday.  I had to confess my sins to Catherine when she checked in with me yesterday. Being the kind, patient, forgiving human being that she is she agreed I could try again today and suggested posting something to social media to keep me accountable. So here I am. Announcing on social media that I am going to run at least one mile today. And tomorrow. and the next day until July 6. Even though it's hot. Even though I'm slow. Even though I will probably have to walk a bit of each mile. Even though I am a flake, the run streak starts today. damnit!

Admire Your Own

The name of this blog is something that I've mentioned briefly in the past, but I think it is worth revisiting. I often remind Michael (and myself) that comparison is the thief of joy. To that end, I often try to redirect my thoughts when I find myself feeling envious of what others have, or feeling like what we have isn't enough.
1-2 years ago it seemed like all of my very close girlfriends were announcing pregnancies, I was genuinely excited for them and not one bit jealous. Michael and I were on a different path, he was living two hours away and going back to school full time, we were living on one income in two different households. Pregnancy was not on our minds, we were focused on learning to navigate the first year of marriage without living together, learning to prioritize communication because phone calls, text messages and Facetime were they only ways we got to connect some weeks. We knew we wanted children, but we weren't there yet.
If I may toot my own horn for a second, although long distance marriage was hard, and frustrating and sometimes sad, we rocked it. I mean seriously, our marriage is so much stronger and we are so much happier as a couple than we were before Michael moved. Living apart was great perspective, we put aside a lot of small stuff in the name of enjoying the little time we had together, we learned to communicate like champs because we had to, and we made some big, tough decisions as Team Butzen-not Lauren and Michael. I hope our season of long distance marriage is over, but I sure am grateful for it.
After we hit our stride and Michael was settling into the second (and final) year of nursing school in Augusta we decided we were ready to start thinking about growing our family. I stopped taking birth control in June of last year knowing that if I got pregnant at any point after that Michael would either be about to graduate or recently graduated. We were pumped! For 11 months I tracked my cycle and ovulation and we tried our best to make things happen despite living apart. According to my calculations, we missed our prime time window to conceive during 3 months (or less) of that entire 11 month time frame. I felt like we were doing everything right, hitting the right times, keeping track of everything on my end, but after a year nothing had happened.
We attended baby showers and one year old birthday parties for our friends and while it crushed me on the inside I kept reminding myself that we were on our own path, we had to admire the things that we did have-Michael graduated, we were living together, our time was coming, we just had to keep the faith.

Whole30, Trying Again

January 5 Michael and I started our first Whole30 adventure. I made a meal plan for the month, prepped food like crazy and jumped in. I LOVED it, I felt amazing, had so much energy, slept like a rock, and lost weight. Michael also loved it! He realized he was super addicted to sugar, did a lot of emotional eating and healed his gut in amazing ways. But, my dirty little secret is that on about day 12 I cheated and had alcohol, and then I drank again on about day 18. After that, I pretty much quit Whole30. Since then I have been eating everything in sight, pizza, fast food, beer, wine, the list goes on. And to be quite honest, as I sit here writing this, I feel like complete crap.
I woke up with a huge zit on my chin this morning, I can't tell you the last time that happened. My stomach hurts, I'm bloated, my face is fat, and something has to change. My New Years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by June 1,  I need to get serious about my diet and exercise if I have a chance in hell of meeting that goal.
My birthday has come and gone, I have had more than my fair share or indulgences, and starting tomorrow I am embarking on my first, full Whole30 adventure. It is easy to focus on all the things that I am giving up, but I am going to try to focus on how horrible all of those foods make me feel, and how good Whole30 makes me feel. That should be motivation enough to stay on track, but for some insane reason it is not enough of a deterrent to keep me away from foods I know I shouldn't eat. Here's to taking it one meal at a time.

The Last Four Daily Non-Negotiables

In an effort to avoid creating one way too long blog entry, I have broken this list in to two. Here are my last four things I do every day or close to it to keep me happy.

5. Set Myself Up for Success Tomorrow

To be fair, this is partially because I am lazy, and love to sleep as long as possible in the morning. It is also because if I don’t prep for tomorrow today I know that I will be making some questionable food and exercise choices. Every weeknight I make my breakfast and coffee, pack my lunch, un pack and re pack my gym bag, and pick out my clothes for tomorrow. This way there is minimal thinking and time required in the morning and I know I have everything I need to have a healthy day. One weekend nights I will often prep everything for coffee the night before to make things quick and easy in the morning.

6. Read

Whether it is blog posts or books I feel more centered when I take some time to read for pleasure each day. Sometimes in the morning, at my desk, with my coffee, I click through some of my favorite blogs. Other days I read a chapter or two at night before bed. Reading is a simple, quiet, hobby I love. Michael and I also read to each other. We are currently reading Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone, with hopes of reading the whole series, but it is slow going since our time together is limited.

7. Enjoy the Pets

We have two cats and a dog who are incredibly snuggly and sweet. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I get to live with these loving, cuddly, adoring animals and I should take more advantage of that. Calling the cats out of their hiding places and scratching their bellies makes their day and mine. Playing fetch and walking Stella are treats, not chores. Loving on them makes me happy and I always think about how therapy dogs and cats must help lift the spirits of the sick or elderly so much. I am young and healthy and it can totally change my mood.

8. Spend Time With Michael

On days when he is working a long shift and I am on the soccer field late it is easy to miss each other’s calls or have short conversations that aren’t very whole hearted or meaningful. I try to send him a sweet text, remember to have a longer conversation even when I am ready to get off of the phone, or leave him a voicemail. He is my gravity, he keeps me sane and centered, and even though spending time together is tricky when we are apart it is still so important to our hearts, minds, and marriage.

                                                         

Four of My Daily Non-Negoatiables

In an effort to clean up my act and get back in a routine of healthy eating and exercise I have been putting some thoughts into what things I do every day that helps keep The Lauren Brain ticking. I came up with six daily non-negotiables, things I do every day without thinking, I rarely skip them and regret it when I do. In no particular order…

1.  Be positive and spend time with positive people

This time last year I had really embraced my inner Bright Side Bitch and was putting a lot of effort in to reframing negative thoughts with positive ones. I still do this, but a reminder to keep positivity on the front burner never hurts. Additionally, I try to give a wide berth to negative or dramatic people and situations. I have a co-worker who gets so bent out of shape when schedules do not go as planned, details slip through the cracks, and things are not as organized as they could be. Don’t get me wrong, I think those things are irritating, but we work in a small, poorly managed, division of local government, and we work with a lot of strong personalities. I try to keep my head down and let all of the irritation roll off of my back. It is small potatoes. I come to work, get the things I can control done, get my lunchtime run on, get out the door at 5:00pm. Getting wrapped up in negative thinking and chatter is not something I devote any thought or energy to.

2.  Saying “No” to Stress

I also try to focus on the things I can control. Anger and negativity are no fun to be in or around. A couple of weeks ago my hard drive at work crashed and I lost everything I’d done professionally for the last 3 years. Frustrating-yes. Out of my control-yes. (Well, sort of, I’m not so bright for not backing anything up, but that ship has sailed). Small potatoes-also yes.

3.Morning Coffee

Morning coffee is the warm (or cold, depending on the season) treat that I look forward to each day. I love the ritual of making and drinking coffee on the weekends, I love choosing my favorite real or travel mug to use for the day. And I love what I think is pretty much a placebo affect from sipping it. (I know coffee is caffeine and caffeine gives you that get up and go feeling, but when I miss a day I don’t get a headache, so it is safe to say I don’t neeeeed coffee as much as I like it).

4.Move-it Move-it

Whether it is taking Stella to the park or on a walk, Running Club, lifting or a hike I feel so much better when I intentionally move during the day. Insanely better, happier, less staby, more grateful the list goes on. Movement makes me a better Lauren. Running specifically makes me a much better Lauren, Bishop Park Running Club is helping me get back on that horse.

Bishop Park Running Club

After hemming and hawing for a long time about whether or not it was too weird/gross/inappropriate to use the shower in the girls bathroom in the gymnastics gym downstairs Ben and I decided to go for it. We cleaned up the least scary looking shower stall downstairs, I brought in shampoo, deodorant, and a hair dryer took over a locker and the rest is history! We started the Bishop Park Running Club! It is not much of a club, it is open to anyone who wants to run with us (which so far is no one). We leave from the park at noon every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. We don’t even run together, we just start together, he is smoking fast and I am just trying to go 3 miles and walk as little as possible. We have been going strong for 3 weeks and I have only missed one run!

I love it! It gets me out the door and gets my run out of the way. It is also a great time of day to go, warm enough by noon, and an awesome way to break up the day. Showering in the locker room downstairs is not really as weird or gross as I originally thought-though my threshold for weird and gross are admittedly pretty high.

I hope to continue running club through the winter and spring, until summer camp wreaks havoc on our schedules…

Long Live Bishop Park Running Club!

The Truth Is

The truth is I am not going to be competing in the body building competition I was training for in March. The truth is I wasn’t really training much at all. There were a LOT of missed workouts, a lot of half assed workouts, and even more cheating on my diet.

The truth is I didn’t train for or run the Athhalf.

The truth is I weigh 25 pounds more than I did this time last year. My clothes are tight and unflattering and I feel self-conscious and terrible in my own skin.

The truth is I haven’t been taking very good care of myself. Too much wine every night of the week, lots of take out food, lots of skipped workouts replaced by hours on the couch with Netflix.

The truth is I’ve had enough. It is time to get my act together. I have a 7 mile “goal race” in February that I’m eyeing, I’m running 3 miles 3 days a week, I’m trying to walk more with Stella each day.

The truth is it is not enough. I have to stop drinking 8 days a week and stop justifying all the junk food.  I just feel so defeated, like I’ll never lose the weight and making little changes won’t add up to anything. I need to remind myself that is not the case. I’m just having a hard time staying motivated and on track. But I’ve seen the light, reached the tipping point, and am trying to get back on the horse. It is time to try harder.

Lessons Learned While Running

I want to pick back up with blogging. More specifically, I wan to blog about my runs, all of them. I thought that blogging about each run would be redundant, but really they are all so different. I’m sure I will fall off of this wagon (maybe sooner than later) but I am jumping on it now.

 I started running again in June, and running regularly (following a plan) in July. Since then I have learned a lot about my body and myself. It been amazing and transformative, and I know that sounds dramatic. I have run in the rain, and in the heat, before work, after work, on lunch breaks, in Augusta, Atlanta, Athens, Destin, and Panama City. I had a month of terrible runs where I wanted to quit and now I am running more than a minute per mile faster than I was in July.

 I am that cliché runner girl. I stretch at work, own compression socks and bribe myself to use the foam roller most nights a week with an episode of Parks and Rec. I think about my IT Band more than any human should. I think about running most nights before I fall asleep.  I have really been changed and motivated by this training cycle.

 The physical changes have been surprising and motivating. I have lost 8 pounds, my legs are more toned and my stomach is flatter. My clothes fit better but my jeans still fit, which is surprising (and a little disappointing) after losing almost 10 pounds. I attribute this weight loss to weight training, half marathon training, and self discipline, and calorie counting. But without the goal of the half marathon I would have lost focus and made excuses long ago.

But the real change has been the mental shift. I’ve written in the past about my commitment to being a Bright Side Bitch on runs and I have fought hard to stick to that. When I feel defeated on a run I make myself see how strong I’ve gotten, how far I’ve come, and think about why I’m not feeling great. Did I eat enough today? Am I dehydrated? Tired? Sore? I remind myself that having a bad run does not mean that running is bad and I think of ways to make my next run better-pack a snack, put new songs on the playlist, listen to a podcast instead of music, take a rest day, give my legs a break with a flatter route etc.

This mentality is not something that comes naturally to me. I have had to cultivate it with patience and practice, by addressing negative thoughts with positive ones without letting them beat me down. I am so proud of myself for creating this habit.

This week I order clothes online and received them in the mail. I bought colored skinny jeans and was nervous and excited to try them on, they would have been WAY out of my comfort zone in July. When I pulled them on I felt hot and awesome! I texted my sister, personal trainer, and Michael to share my happiness. After a few texts I sent Michael one that said “mostly it’s just nice to feel good about myself and more confident. The clothes are just a bonus.”

Running has given me confidence, a place to think intentionally and positively, it has made me feel more like myself, which is something I can’t quite put my finger on or explain but I hope to soon.

More than anything I want to keep up this momentum even after the race is over Sunday, I am really worried that it will wane. Here’s hoping that I can hold on to Runner Lauren, and Bright Side Bitch.

AthHalf Training-No More Wine-ing

Half marathon training has resulted in me scaling back my drinking in a drastic way. This time last year I was putting away a bottle of wine on a weeknight like it was nothing. It was embarrassing and over indulgent. I didn’t want to consume the calories, or have to defend my third glass of wine to my husband on a Tuesday, or wake up not feeling my best but night after night I found myself pouring more wine because “why not?” because “it will feel good” because “I will fall asleep easier.” I started to wonder if I need to reevaluate my relationship with alcohol, but avoided doing so because I didn’t want to deal with the possibility that I might need to drastically scale back or cut it out completely.

 It turns out I just needed time, and long term goals that were attainable and important to me. No one asked me to change my relationship with alcohol, I didn’t even ask myself. I also knew that if I did it for someone else (Michael) or made up some arbitrary rule I wouldn’t stick with it. The shift occurred naturally.

I am a sweater. I sweat easily and a lot. I am also a very salty sweater. If my shirt and shorts dry after a run they will be white from salty sweat. My face often has salty white marks on it after a run. That being said, I dehydrate easily. Thankfully, I love water and prioritize drinking it throughout the day. My goal each day is to drink 5 Nalgenes (about a gallon). Being naturally thirsty and adding more miles each week made staying on top of hydration something I had to learn to do. Sometimes I would get behind and end up with a dreaded headache. Adding alcohol to that mix never sounded tempting once I started upping my mileage.

 Friday night is usually a time where I would relax with a couple of drinks, but again, with a long run staring me in the face Saturday morning, drinking more than one drink or at all on Friday became less and less appealing. I still drink on occasion, but the 3 crippling hangovers I’ve had since July have been reminders enough that it is just NOT worth it. I can’t seem to have more than 2 drinks and not be hungover any more. And so I realized, I have no reason to have more than 2 drinks.

I have other bigger, better things going on than a bottle of wine and crying over Greys Anatomy. I want to conquer more miles, feel strong and confident on runs, and give myself the satisfaction that comes with completing a solo long run on a Saturday morning. I also like the way I look in the mirror more and more, and I think the 8 pounds I’ve dropped can be contributed largely to eating real, whole food and cutting out a couple of bottles of wine a week. Yikes.

Cheers!

Perspective

Earlier this week I pulled up to my condo as my neighbor, let’s call her Cathy, was unloading her car. We exchanged pleasantries and she mention that she was just getting in from Gainesville. She teaches in Athens, her husband lives and works in Gainesville, so she lives here Monday-Thursday, much like our living arrangement. I told her that Michael moved to Augusta and so we were in the same boat for the next two years.  At that, Cathy smiled and said that she and her husband had been living like that for 15 years. Fif.teen. Years.

She shared some wise words, and I was comforted in the fact that 1. We were not alone (I already knew this, but it was nice to be reminded by someone who lives right next door) and 2. People make these things work for decades and are no worse for the wear, four semesters of school is a blip on the radar of our lifetime together (again, something I knew but felt good to be reminded of).

Cathy said that being apart is hard, so you have to “really make your time together special.” Yes, I agree. We do the best we can and often times Michael has to study but he is so good about cramming it in during the week so we can have a good chunk of uninterrupted time.

She also said she has made the weeknights time for herself. She said “I’m writing a lot” I replied, “yeah I’ve been running a lot.” And I have been, and it is making me happy. Not having Michael waiting for me at home means if I blow off a run it’s just another hour at home alone with the cats and Netflix, so I might as well get it in.

Thank goodness we aren’t planning on doing this long term and we see each other and chat all the time. I am constantly reminded of the people whose significant other’s are deployed, or far away. We are so fortunate.

Bright Side Bitch

I have a confession to make: I am a recovering Negative Nancy and Debbie Downer. Nancy and Debbie used to be my favorite alter egos. I was your go to girl for bashing ideas, shooting down plans, poking holes in suggestions, and bad mouthing people, events, and things in general.

I've mentioned before that getting married is like holding a big mirror up in front of your flaws. This is a huge one for me, I honestly didn't realize how bad it was or how miserable it is to be around.

I think that the recent desire to let go of Nancy and Debbie is coming from a few places. First, realizing that I was doing it at all. This means taking the time to hear the words coming out of my mouth time and time again. Second, recognizing how much I enjoyed and looked forward to being around happy, positive people- I don't have to wait to be around happy, positive people, I can be one myself! And finally, figuring out that negativity is a miserable, contagious, consuming poison.
We all hear the trite motivational sayings about how "attitude is everything" or "the power of positive thinking" and I have always brushed the sayings off as cliche, insignificant and void of any real motivation, and sometimes I still do. The other day a blog I read asked readers to share their favorite running mantra in the comments, I read them hoping to find something that I could remind myself of on my runs, but I found myself rolling my eyes at a lot of them.
"You can do this"
"You are strong"
"Better, Faster, Stronger"
Reading them in black and white feels cheap, hokey, and silly, but I have to admit that I have chanted "You are awesome" to myself while running up a hill at the end of a run and reminded myself that I was strong enough to finish another mile or so when I was hurting. It seems that part of the battle for me is admitting that it might feel lame but it also might work.
When I started half marathon training I put a shout out on Facebook looking for a training partner and wrote that I would be a "really fun running buddy" even though I felt like a faker as I typed it. I am not fun when I am running. So I decided to make 2 promises to myself. One: be a fun, positive training partner, just like I promised. And two: no negative self talks on runs. I can't tell you how many runs I have gone on in the past where the mantra in my head was 30 minutes of "This.Sucks.This.Sucks.This.Sucks."

Since I made those promises and started training in June I have not let myself think like that. Sometimes it does suck, but I don't dwell on it. I focus on my music, ask myself questions as an attempt at distraction, and repeat mantras. And as a result I am happier. At the end of my run on Saturday I found myself recapping all the reasons that run was special-what a change!
I have also tried to be more positive in conversation and more laid back about things I may disagree with. And I know it is working because it is slowly becoming more natural to react positively. I got lost on my run Saturday and just thought "okay! adventure time!" And when I am around negative people I find myself thinking "damn, your negativity is exhausting" when in the past I would have chimed in.
When I focus on being positive I have more fun, laugh more, enjoy my day more, and Michael and I get a long better.
Valerie calls it being a Bright Side Bitch and I like that bitch a lot more than Nancy and Debbie.

5 Mile Redemption Run

Michael moved to Augusta last Thursday and I went Friday night to spend the weekend getting him unpacked and ready for school. Saturday morning I had a 5 mile long run on the calendar. Before leaving I mapped out a route in the new neighborhood and made sure it was hilly, I know that the half marathon is going to be hilly and avoiding hills at this point won’t do me any favors. Friday night I drowned a bad day in too much wine, but tried to balance it with water knowing I had a morning run.
Saturday morning I woke up at 4:00 am freaking out about my run “I don’t have my hat, I could only find one bobby pin, it is supposed to rain, should I run in the rain? Will all that wine leave me too dehydrated? What if the route is too hilly…” and on and on to the point that I almost got up and went running then just so I could stop agonizing over it. I went back to sleep, woke up, put my gear on and was out the door at 6:56, I get up earlier to run on Saturdays then I do Monday-Friday for work.
In spite of all of the time I spent worrying about it, this was a great redemption run for me. The week before my Saturday 5 miles beat me down, this week I rocked it. The rain was spitting on me the whole way, so it was cool but humid as hell, it was hilly as crap, and I got lost on my new route. But, it didn't matter. I was a positive self-talk machine, or Bright Side Bitch as Val calls it. I alternated between ignoring the rain and reminding myself that is was cooling me off. I’d never run in rain before, I’d also never gone on a training run while out of town so staying committed to my training plan was a first. I didn't let not having all the gear I wanted, yucky weather, too much wine, or being in a new place stop me. It may seem small, or like a no brainer but Old Lauren would have used all, or even one of those facts as an excuse to blow off my run. Way to go new Lauren!
I got home stretched and wasn't even sore the next day. After this run and the previous 5 miler and felt pretty crappy the rest of the day-not my legs but more dizzy, nauseous stomach ache. I think it might be dehydration, something I will continue to figure out and work on.

Have you ever used positive self talk to motivate or push yourself? This is a new concept for me….

Saturday "Long" Run

I put long in quotation marks because by most standards five miles is not a long run. I am well aware of that fact, but when it is the longest run I do all week it only feels appropriate to label it as such. I’ve been doing my long runs with the Wow! Bootcamp  AthHalf run group. I like the Wow! group run for a lot of reasons: It is motivating to run with a group, they plan out the distance and mark the route for us, parts of the half marathon are covered on the runs so I know what to expect in those areas, they have water stops for us, and it helps keep me accountable. They plan it all; I just have to show up. This week it was a 5 mile run. I knew from looking at the route that was sent out that it was going to be hilly and tough.

I woke up to tummy troubles and hoped it wasn’t a sign of what was to come that morning. The last long run I’d done (4 miles) I didn’t eat before and my stomach growled the last 2 miles. I’d picked up some new bars at the store and decided to try them as breakfast. I have no appetite in the morning; in fact eating makes me nauseas so I tried to be careful. I ate half of a coconut almond Kind bar in the car on the way to the Y. It was so delicious; it tasted like one of those off brand chewy honey oat bars my mom used to buy. It tasted good, but did not make my stomach feel good. When I got to the Y I tried to go in and use the bathroom in the lobby but the building wasn’t open yet. Fail. I was just going to have to deal.

We did some warm up drills, Zoe showed up, and we were off. At the start I told Zoe that I was tight and sore from pushing it the last half mile of my run yesterday (idiot, I knew I had to run again 12 hours later) and that my stomach was bothering me. I told myself that it would all shake out by the time the first mile marker rolled around. I usually feel better after a mile (although I used to hate people who said that) and I was right, kind of. My muscles were looser and my stomach was fine, and then we hit a hill (and another and another ad nauseam for 4 miles). I knew it was coming and thought it was going to kill me. Surprisingly, it didn’t and Zoe and I high fived at the top #nerdalert.

I would like to stop here and explain that I am a slow runner. I know that and I am okay with it. I mean, sure I would like to crank out 8 minute miles like its nothing but I can’t, at least not right now. Maybe someday….So in order to not burnout my slow, steady pace is about 11:00 minute miles (I know, you can walk that fast, blah, blah, Runner Lauren don’t care). After Zoe and I conquered the hill my running app told me that we’d just run a 9:45 mile. We were all “hooray!” and “oops, crap!” at the same time.

Let’s just say shit hit the fan. I felt like I was made of bricks, my right knee was hurting, my left IT band was screaming, I was getting blisters for no apparent reason. We got to the water stop at the 3 mile mark I commented that this was easily the worst run I’d had in 2 months, someone told us that it was 100% humidity. So, that explained some of it, but really it was the perfect storm. I wasn’t logging my weekly miles the way I needed to be to in order to do longer weekend mileage, I didn’t stretch after my run on Friday and pushed too hard, I didn’t sleep well the night before and it was insanely hot and humid for 7:30am.

I often have to remind myself when I don’t want to run on a Wednesday that I will pay for it later. Bottom line: long runs suck a lot less when you get your week day mileage in. And I also have to keep in mind that you have to have bad runs to appreciate the good ones.

When all was said and done the route ended up being 5.42 miles and it hurt and humbled me. I went home and told Michael “that run tried to kill me.” Which it did, but it also motivated me to do better this week; running is a bitch like that.

I now present to you My Running Blog

I often flip flop around about what kind of blog I want this to be. I feel like a faker writing about running because I am not a hardcore runner, but I have been running more and I have thoughts about it and this is my blog, so I'm the boss and I say I write about running.
Last week I wrote about running after work, and I did it. It was the first run i'd been on in 11 days and it went okay. I had to take 2 walking breaks. The first was because the girl I was meeting for dinner called to cancel and I needed to talk to her. The second time was because I was going up a hill and was out of shape. But all in all it was okay. I was proud of myself for going after work, and in the heat. The only major bummer was that my running app did not save the run. This is not really a big deal but I like to be able to look back on my weekly mileage total/pace.
Thursday I lifted weights and called it a day. Friday I had another run to get in. I knew we had plans that evening so I wanted to get my run in before work (ha).  I turned my alarm off for my morning run like I ALWAYS do. Never once have I got up for my morning run. never. Friday was no different. So, I had to go after work and at 3:00pm on Friday it was 90* and felt like 97* so I ended up on the treadmill. I actually had a surprisingly good run. I was able to zone out and just crank out 3 miles. The last .5 I even turned the pace up fairly high and really pushed myself because I was feeling strong and had a lot left in the tank.
Friday night we had Jody and Zoe over for dinner. We had burgers (I had black bean), sweet potato rounds, corn on the cob, and frozen balsamic veggies from Trader Joe's (which were awesome and I bought them again this week). We chatted and listened to country music while I cooked. The night was to celebrate Michael passing all of his nursing school tests and classes so I manned dinner and just wanted him to relax.
Our grill has been on its last legs for a while now, it was a hand me down and has treated us well but it is old and has been well used. One of the burners shoots fire straight out the back of the grill, and last night another one could not be turned to high or low-just one flame level, and the grates are crumbling etc etc we really should just let it rest in peace, but we are stubborn. When I took the burgers off of the grill they were rare so we put them back on. After several more minutes 2 of them were still rare and the other 3 look better. Jody took one for the team and ate the 2 rare burgers. ew.
Later we went out to the cul-de-sac and set off some small fireworks that were leftover from the rainy 4th of July. Yay! Roman Candles! Our neighbors love us...
Then it was early to bed to get up for my "long" run Saturday morning.

Crazy Kid

A friend at work asked me today when Michael was leaving and I told her two weeks from Friday. But I was wrong. He is leaving one week from Friday. That was a hard pill to swallow. I am sad, and find myself missing him already which isn’t helpful but is how I’m feeling. We aren’t spending much quality time together so it’s easy slip into missing someone even when they are sleeping right next to you.

I found a blog that I really like called 40 Days of Dating, it is about 2 friends who date for 40 days and follow certain agreed upon dating rules and blog about it. The 40 days began in March and I got all caught up on reading it last night and freaked out. The blog ended on day 26 or something and I was hooked and wanted to know what happened but couldn’t figure out why they would stop blogging about the project without warning so close to its completion. I even did two Google searches to find out why there was no Day 27-40. Turns out I didn’t read the “About” section closely enough….The couple is releasing one blog entry a day starting July 10, so I am caught up and day 27 will be posted tomorrow. Crisis averted. Sheesh. #nerdalert

After much debate Valerie has confirmed that she wants her bachelorette party at PCB. Hooray!! (I have to practice screaming “Bachelorette WHOOO” in place of “Spring Break WHOOO”) although my body is not hottie I am looking forward to the beach. And I should not mention that I am sad because it means right off the bat I will have to go two weeks without seeing Michael. Nope, not going to mention it.

Plan for tonight:

Leave work, walk to car, put bag in there and DO NOT GET IN (that is the important/hard part)

Put headphones in, resist temptation to get into car, walk away from car

Run 3 miles

Allow self to get into car (finally, jeez)

Drive home, shower change, meet friend for dinner!

This is a big deal for a lot of reasons. 1. I haven’t seen this friend in at least 8 years, possibly more and I’m not really the reconnecting type. 2. I have to go home and then leave again, I do NOT like to leave my house once I get there (I’m a hobbit). 3. Socializing on a week night whooo! Crazy lady over here!

I will probably have to listen to my pump up song a lot to convince myself to run and socialize. What can I say, I’m a wild one.

Disgusta

This was one of the best weekends I’ve had in a while. I didn’t spend 90% of it in a quiet room watching Netflix with my headphones in not interacting with anyone, so it was an automatic win (I use Michael’s studying as a crutch to not have much of a social life of my own).

Friday I helped Val clean her rental house for new tenants moving in. It was sweaty work and to reward ourselves we went to dinner at Cali N Tito’s, it was awesome to sit outside on a summer night and have a drink and hang out with my best friend. From there we ventured downtown. I haven’t been downtown after 10:00pm in 100 years and I was wearing sweaty gross clothes and generally feeling very out of place. We had a super fun time and didn’t make it home until almost 3:00am, but I did manage to put off an awkward, I don’t know how to talk to people, we are both married and not 19 anymore vibe.               

7:15 came early and I was grateful that the hangover gods were kind to me. I worked until 12:30 and met Michael and his family for lunch at Big City Bread and he brought Stella! I love when she can go everywhere with us. A delicious fried egg sammy was inhaled and I got to catch up with my in laws. From there we boogied West to Augusta to check out the apartment that Michael is going to be living in. The apartment is beautiful and I am going to be spending a lot of time at the pool.

On Sunday we hit the town to explore and see the campus. Every time I have mentioned that Michael is moving to Augusta for nursing school I get a lot of “oh, DISgusta” but I’d checked it out online and knew they had a downtown area, and it was on the water, a lot of medical students, the Masters etc. etc. and I was hoping to get there and drive around and think “see, it’s not that bad!” But that was not the case. It was disgusting. Run down and dirty and not well maintained. It looked unloved and abandoned and I am thoroughly confused as to why. We will do some more exploring and make the best of it when I visit, but the reality is that we have been spoiled by Athens. Oh, good ole Athens. 

It might come true

When the phone call about nursing school came we were both kind of dumbstruck. I mean, Yes! Of course! Hooray! But also, Wait? What? Where?!?! The nice lady from Augusta who just called and dropped a bomb on us said she needed an answer by noon the next day. So we told her we would call her back. We spent that night thinking through all of the implications of him accepting the spot.

He will be moving for two years and we haven’t even been married a year.

We will be supporting two households with one income instead of one household with two incomes.

We have a dog and 2 cats.

We spent the first six months of marriage figuring out how to be married and live together well and we’d finally hit a sweet spot.

We will be apart.

When Michael and I met in Alabama I was coming off of the roughest year of my life. I’d moved to Kentucky for graduate school and was faced with a lot of challenges. I was the only one in my program and had a hard time meeting people and making friends. I was almost 500 miles from home and had only ever lived 65 miles away before. Graduate school was so so hard and due to unforeseen circumstances my roommate had to move home so I was living alone. I felt very alone and lost and I was very depressed. The first night we found out about nursing school my biggest fear was that living alone would mean that I would feel lost and confused and depressed like I had when I was in Kentucky. I couldn’t bear the thought of pulling onto our street and seeing an empty driveway. I have since realized that this situation is nothing like that one, but boy did those fears come rushing back initially.

Michael called the next morning to accept the position and was met with yet another hurdle. He had taken Statistics and Microbiology as the school recommended but did not take Chemistry 2, because they had not mentioned it. He had taken it in the past and gotten a D, which was not acceptable for the program. They apologized for the mistake and told them he would no longer be accepted. We were crushed. But Michael was not going down without a fight. With the help of his advisor he learned that if he could take and pass the CLEP exam in Biology 1 and 2 that score, combined with other science classes on his transcripts would fulfill the Chem 2 requirement.

So, in addition to course work and upcoming final exams in Stat and Micro he was tasked with studying for, scheduling, taking, and passing the CLEP. He was admitted to the program provisionally pending his class grades and test score. And he proceeded to study without ceasing for two weeks.

He got an A in Statistics and passed his CLEP yesterday! The Micro final is next Thursday and Friday. I could be more proud of my husband. At this point we are 99% sure that he will be moving to Augusta in 2 weeks! All of his hard work and determination paid off, but seriously, you should see the dent in the couch where he sits to study :) 

Be careful what you wish for

I like blogging, but often feel uninspired, or directionless. I flip flop between “no one is reading, whats the point” and “I don’t want anyone to read anyway, its really just for me” or “am I writing about life? Or exercise? Or what?”

I blogged about my high hopes for the Third of July and it rained and was a bummer. And then I lost steam. And life got complicated. Really, really complicated. I have debated about writing about it because I do not want to compromise my personal security, but I figure everyone who reads already knows what’s going on and also my address, so if they want to sneak into my house and rob/hurt me while my husband and dog are living 2 hours away they already have the means to do so.

My husband is a dreamer. We even read a quote about dreamers and realists at our wedding. Since we met 3+ years ago he has had a lot of big dreams for his career and our family. He has dreamed of moving out west, or becoming a medic, and toyed with the idea of joining the military. A little over a year ago we stumbled upon the idea of nursing. He is a great people person, fantastic under pressure, and nursing has a lot of different specialties and venues for practice which is good for his tendency to get bored once he has accomplished a challenge.

 He decided to apply to a satellite nursing campus in Athens for a school that was located in Augusta. In May we found out that he was waitlisted and would not know if he got a spot in the program until June. In the meantime, he was told to take Statistics and Microbiology to fulfill the prerequisite requirements. This was super frustrating because he was taking demanding classes for a program he might not get in to, and had to drop several clients at work to make time for class. The classes also required a significant amount of devoted, quiet, study time with internet access for homework and quizzes over the weekend. This meant no lake trips, camping trips, or any travel at all really this summer. But, it would all be worth it if it meant he could get in to nursing school. Unfortunately, the end of June came and the phone call didn't.

To say we were bummed would be an understatement. We had 2 weeks of searching for what he wanted to do, coming up with and weighing options, and generally feeling lost. Then, on Wednesday, July 17^th the call came. He was offered a spot off of the waiting list and into the nursing program! ….At the Augusta campus. The good news we’d been hoping for finally came, with strings attached.

A penny saved is...not worth it sometimes

In my last post I mentioned that I bought 2 tops and 2 pairs of shorts for running from Wal-Mart. It is worth mentioning that my husband and I like to cut corners when we can to save money. We don't have cable, we didn't turn our heat on last Winter, and we use the same coffee grounds and filters for a week before changing them (NOT. ew. so sick.). Anywho, I saw some dry fit shorts for $7.48 and tops for $5.48 at Walmart and though I'd give em a whirl (name that movie).
Guess what friends....you get what you pay for. I was really excited about these shorts because they are a cute color of course but also because they are spandex-y unlike my other running shorts. Meaning they will stay put, I wont have to pull them down every third stride and I wont chafe. After one 3.5 mile run I can say that all of those facts are true. However, the dry fit or wicking material did NOT stand up to the sweat test.

You're welcome for the awkward crotch shot. Please keep in mind that this was not a long run and it was not a sweaty run, it was only 74 degrees out. Please also keep in mind that I did NOT pee my pants.

Now, on to the shirt. Admittedly I bought a size small when I meant to buy a medium, but I did not realize that until after I used scissors to solve the problem. I spent most of my run pulling down the neck of my shirt in an attempt to stretch it/swallow successfully. The neck of this shirt was way, way too tight and small. I needed a bigger size and never would have purposefully bought a small. But maybe I also need to wear a v-neck/scoop neck when I'm exercising to prevent claustrophobia. But I'd already ripped off the tags and sweated in the shirt, so it wasn't going back to the store. I took matters into my own hands and cut the neck of the shirt. Naturally.

I learned about cutting up my own clothes from my friend Valerie.

Yes, that was the brightest colored outfit I've ever worn in my life. And yes, I learned my lesson about buying cheap running gear. But that does not mean you will ever see me shell out $80 for a shirt I will be sweating in cough, cough Lululemon...